Darkseid's Couch
A Comic Book Podcast That's Sometimes About Comic Books

Punisher/Batman (1994)

Deadly Knights

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate 70 episodes with Batman and the Punisher, the two cheeriest guys in comicdom! In Deadly Knights, it's been less than a year since the characters last crossed over, but this time it's Bruce Wayne back in the weirdly-shaped cowl instead of crazed cultist Azrael. Bruce isn't taking too kindly to a vigilante with a skull on his chest killing mooks and humps in Gotham, but considering this is the same guy who picked a crazed cultist to replace him in the first place, maybe he could stand to pull back on the moral high grounding a little. Things pretty much shake out how you'd expect from there, with the Joker and Jigsaw combining their powers of being really unpleasant to look at while Robin and Microchip get into a 90s internet fight over who gets the last bag of Cool Ranch Doritos or something. Goddamn nerds, man.

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Transformers No. 20 (1986)

Showdown!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée finally reach their tolerance limit with 1986's Transformers no. 20! When a damaged Autobot named Skids lands in some trailer trash Wyoming nothing town, things get straight up Twin Peaks. Except instead of a murder mystery there are bizarre human/robot cucking rituals, local mechanics who clearly should be working for NASA, and insane alpha males who will gladly rack up multiple criminal charges just to run you off the road if they suspect you might've cut them off the other day. The town's delicate ecosystem is disrupted by the presence of bloodthirsty Decepticon panther Ravage, but even that won't keep Skids from finding time to seal the deal with popular local short-shorts enthusiast Charlene while her beta coworker Wendell watches and sobs. In an age of political and social divisiveness, it's one thing we can all finally agree on: This is absolutely an abomination.

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Masters of the Universe No. 9 (1987)

The Hate Stones!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée have the power of Greyskull, and they'll need it to get through 1987's Masters of the Universe no. 9! It's tough being a weird legless elf wizard when all of your friends are super buff he-men with names like Man-at-Arms and... well, He-Man. Inadequacy finally gets the best of Orko when his girlfriend sacrifices herself to save him during one of the infiltrations of evil sects that happen in Eternia all day every day. For a civilization of Godlike warriors you'd think their planet wouldn't be such a shithole. Anyway, old Orks gets his wiry blue fingers on the mystical Hate Stones and proceeds to drop 'bows all over evil's ass, doing a way better job than He-Man and his super-jacked workout squad ever did. Really not seeing a problem here; At this rate Eternia might get indoor plumbing eventually. All that plus the hot new podcast craze of 2018, pigeonholing James' musical interests!

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Havok & Wolverine: Meltdown No. 1 (1988)

Mexican Standoff

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée try to avoid using their mutant powers while reading the first installment of Havok & Wolverine's Meltdown miniseries! On bro-cation in Mexico, the two buds are having a great time challenging each other not to use their powers in their routine unprovoked brawls with innocent civilians, because that's just how mutant superfreaks get their jollies. But things get complicated when they have to steal an innocent woman's car to escape dealing with the consequences of their own criminal actions, which somehow makes them the good guys of this story. Also, a supervillain is revealed to have caused the Chernobyl meltdown, because when you're dealing with assholes as amoral as Wolverine that's the kind of stakes you need to have to make your villain look like the bad guy here.

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Revengers Starring Armor and The Silver Streak No. 4 (1988)

If the Nuclear Warlock Has His Way!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée have heard your pleas and are taking yet another trip to the Continuity Comics Continuniverse! It's time to get acquainted with Continuity's crown jewel, Megalith the Ultimate Man, as he joins fellow under-aged superheroes Armor and the Silver Streak to form the Revengers for some reason! In 1988's Revengers no. 4, Megalith acquires a plot of land and tricks his new superpowered friends into building a house on it for him instead of fighting crime. But they won't even get the foundation set before they're attacked by a crazed group of backwoods mutant hillbilly zombie freaks who don't take kindly to no poorly-written supertypes 'round here. Plus, learn the baffling origin of Megalith and find out exactly how tall he is, and then find it out again like eight more times!

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Atari Force No. 1 (1982)

Phoenix

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée explore the wild world of corporate synergy with Atari Force no. 1! In 1982 DC decided to put actual talent on a video game tie-in comic that never actually mentions video games in any way. It was a bold advertising strategy, and ensured that Atari would remain on the bleeding edge of video game technology to this very day. Plus, ideas for podcasts people might actually listen to, a deep dive into the benefits of VR sexual exploration, and James gets apoplectic over his co-hosts' flagrant disregard for his timers.

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Ghost Rider No. 48 (1980)

Wind of the Undead!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate the Fourth of July with a special Halloween episode about everyone's favorite skull-on-fire demon guy, Ghost Rider! In issue 48, Ghost Rider's human host Johnny Blaze is attacked by vampire bats and proceeds to mercilessly sic his hellspawn alter-ego on them, begging the question: Do demons just kinda wait around until someone needs vengeance over something? Plus, compelling evidence that one of the Avengers is a big Ayn Rand fan, and what AC/DC song do angry yokels use to hype themselves up for mob violence?

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Crazyman No. 1 (1992)

More Like Boringman, Amirite!?

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée dive back into the Continuity Comics Continuniverse and fish out 1992's Crazyman no. 1! That's right, Crazyman: A character so unpredictable that the fact that he never really does anything all that crazy just makes him all the crazier... or something. Anyway, Danny Brody is a man with a rare mental disorder that causes him to react to any stimuli by rolling around on the floor and throwing a hissy fit, making him the hero the Ritalin generation deserved. In a book filled with geopolitical tension, eye-gougings, and multiple secret organizations, Crazyman has something for everyone, assuming what you wanted was in no way entertaining. Come take a ride back to the 90s, when shoving nuanced mental illnesses under the reductive umbrella of "crazy" was not only acceptable, but actively encouraged in the arts!

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The New Mutants No. 4 (1983)

Who's Scaring Stevie?

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée learn a valuable after-school lesson when they read 1983's New Mutants no. 4! Fearing that the X-Men may be too old to keep manipulating into impossibly dangerous situations for his own gain, Professor Xavier has formed a group of New Mutants who are younger, more unstable, and quite a bit dumber. It's the crowning achievement of an insane career. This issue, what starts as a simple adventure involving good old-fashioned death threats over the phone turns into a bizarre PSA about the psychological effects of child abuse. So... buckle up for boffo laffs!

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G.I. Joe No. 47 (1986)

Sea Duel!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée read the only comic book that functions as propaganda for both the military industrial complex AND out of control consumerism, G.I. Joe! In issue 47 a bunch of colorful soldiers with deeply-repressed PTSD take to the seas in an act of unprovoked aggression. Cobra may be an international squad of snake-themed super-terrorists, but at least they respect the rules of wartime engagement. Meanwhile Snake Eyes finally loses all of his shit on a group of sharks while Storm Shadow swings a sword underwater with tremendous accuracy, and both organizations take turns seeing who can hire the more useless medical professional.

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