Darkseid's Couch
A Comic Book Podcast That's Sometimes About Comic Books

S8:E4 - X-O- Manowar No. 13 (1992)

The Darkside to Victory

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée ride a light ray all the way over to the Valiant Universe for the very first time! In X-O Manowar no. 13, the flagship hero of the fifth or sixth most popular superhero universe must team up with Solar to take down a super pissed-off batch of The Vine in order to rightfully earn the Shanhara armor! Don't know what any of that means? Dude, it doesn't matter at all. Basically, if you wanna see a beefcake in purple briefs wrestle a space tigerman, your very specific wish has been granted. And if by some chance that's not what you listen to comic book podcasts for, stay tuned for an eye-opening discussion about the phenomenon of post-sex male guilt. It's called post-coital tristesse, and now you've been tricked into learning something, sucker!

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S8:E3 - The Incredible Hulk Versus Quasimodo (1983)

The Incredible Hulks Meets the Hunchback of Notre Dame!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée learn the true meaning of Christmas when they read the Incredible Hulk Versus Quasimodo! In 1983 somebody realized these two guys had a lot in common, namely that they're both freaks who can't seem to stop complaining about their not-so-terrible lives, and decided that was reason enough to throw them together. Bruce Banner heads to France to find a miracle cure for Hulkington's Disease but runs afoul of the Hunchback of Notre Dame and his giant bat friend. Quasimodo steals the cure and turns back into a man and the Hulk decides to just let that slide considering he just gruesomely murdered Quasi's pet bat. Things end with both guys deciding to maybe stop being such whiny little bitches about everything, although this story isn't part of official Marvel continuity, so don't expect that lesson to stick. It's a Non-Canonical Christmas Miracle!

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S8:E2 - Fantastic Four No. 371 (1992)

This Flame, This Fury

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get caught ogling 1992's Fantastic Four no. 371! Sue Storm has a smokin' new outfit for the 90s that offers dramatically reduced protection but makes up for it with trashy sex appeal. Unfortunately Mr. Fantastic isn't biting because he's an unrelatable supergenius who's evolved beyond the concept of lust. Meanwhile Johnny Storm's unsolicited advances on a fellow student attract the wrath of Paibok and Devos! That's right: Two D-list villains have teamed up! That's the comic book equivalent of one Mysterio! Plus, Mike reveals his shocking real-life connection with disgraced Speaker of the House/pervert Dennis Hastert. It's what made him the man he is today!

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S8:E1 - The Atom No. 16 (1965)

Fate of the Flattened-Out Atom!

This time on the Couch: The fun is so small you'd swear it's not even there when Mike, James, and Shée read 1965's The Atom no. 16! In this novel-length adventure, kids in the 60s finally got what they were clamoring for in their comic books: A superhero who complains about being sleepy all the time and then loses a fight to an old man. While trying to get some rest on a local tree branch (sure!), the Atom is confronted by an elderly creep who wants his sweet lactic acid (sure!!). The minuscule mite seems to forget that he can change his size to deal with things like this and ends up flattened out by a science iron. Flat, prone, and alone, the tiny titan has to sit around thinking about his poor life decisions while his geriatric superior hits the casino. Also, the Atom kills a bird. It's messed up, man.

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S7:E10 - Punisher/Batman (1994)

Deadly Knights

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate 70 episodes with Batman and the Punisher, the two cheeriest guys in comicdom! In Deadly Knights, it's been less than a year since the characters last crossed over, but this time it's Bruce Wayne back in the weirdly-shaped cowl instead of crazed cultist Azrael. Bruce isn't taking too kindly to a vigilante with a skull on his chest killing mooks and humps in Gotham, but considering this is the same guy who picked a crazed cultist to replace him in the first place, maybe he could stand to pull back on the moral high grounding a little. Things pretty much shake out how you'd expect from there, with the Joker and Jigsaw combining their powers of being really unpleasant to look at while Robin and Microchip get into a 90s internet fight over who gets the last bag of Cool Ranch Doritos or something. Goddamn nerds, man.

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S7:E9 - Transformers No. 20 (1986)

Showdown!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée finally reach their tolerance limit with 1986's Transformers no. 20! When a damaged Autobot named Skids lands in some trailer trash Wyoming nothing town, things get straight up Twin Peaks. Except instead of a murder mystery there are bizarre human/robot cucking rituals, local mechanics who clearly should be working for NASA, and insane alpha males who will gladly rack up multiple criminal charges just to run you off the road if they suspect you might've cut them off the other day. The town's delicate ecosystem is disrupted by the presence of bloodthirsty Decepticon panther Ravage, but even that won't keep Skids from finding time to seal the deal with popular local short-shorts enthusiast Charlene while her beta coworker Wendell watches and sobs. In an age of political and social divisiveness, it's one thing we can all finally agree on: This is absolutely an abomination.

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S7:E8 - Masters of the Universe No. 9 (1987)

The Hate Stones!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée have the power of Greyskull, and they'll need it to get through 1987's Masters of the Universe no. 9! It's tough being a weird legless elf wizard when all of your friends are super buff he-men with names like Man-at-Arms and... well, He-Man. Inadequacy finally gets the best of Orko when his girlfriend sacrifices herself to save him during one of the infiltrations of evil sects that happen in Eternia all day every day. For a civilization of Godlike warriors you'd think their planet wouldn't be such a shithole. Anyway, old Orks gets his wiry blue fingers on the mystical Hate Stones and proceeds to drop 'bows all over evil's ass, doing a way better job than He-Man and his super-jacked workout squad ever did. Really not seeing a problem here; At this rate Eternia might get indoor plumbing eventually. All that plus the hot new podcast craze of 2018, pigeonholing James' musical interests!

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S7:E7 - Havok & Wolverine: Meltdown No. 1 (1988)

Mexican Standoff

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée try to avoid using their mutant powers while reading the first installment of Havok & Wolverine's Meltdown miniseries! On bro-cation in Mexico, the two buds are having a great time challenging each other not to use their powers in their routine unprovoked brawls with innocent civilians, because that's just how mutant superfreaks get their jollies. But things get complicated when they have to steal an innocent woman's car to escape dealing with the consequences of their own criminal actions, which somehow makes them the good guys of this story. Also, a supervillain is revealed to have caused the Chernobyl meltdown, because when you're dealing with assholes as amoral as Wolverine that's the kind of stakes you need to have to make your villain look like the bad guy here.

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S7:E6 - Revengers Starring Armor and The Silver Streak No. 4 (1988)

If the Nuclear Warlock Has His Way!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée have heard your pleas and are taking yet another trip to the Continuity Comics Continuniverse! It's time to get acquainted with Continuity's crown jewel, Megalith the Ultimate Man, as he joins fellow under-aged superheroes Armor and the Silver Streak to form the Revengers for some reason! In 1988's Revengers no. 4, Megalith acquires a plot of land and tricks his new superpowered friends into building a house on it for him instead of fighting crime. But they won't even get the foundation set before they're attacked by a crazed group of backwoods mutant hillbilly zombie freaks who don't take kindly to no poorly-written supertypes 'round here. Plus, learn the baffling origin of Megalith and find out exactly how tall he is, and then find it out again like eight more times!

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S7:E5 - Atari Force No. 1 (1982)

Phoenix

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée explore the wild world of corporate synergy with Atari Force no. 1! In 1982 DC decided to put actual talent on a video game tie-in comic that never actually mentions video games in any way. It was a bold advertising strategy, and ensured that Atari would remain on the bleeding edge of video game technology to this very day. Plus, ideas for podcasts people might actually listen to, a deep dive into the benefits of VR sexual exploration, and James gets apoplectic over his co-hosts' flagrant disregard for his timers.

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