Darkseid's Couch
A Comic Book Podcast That's Sometimes About Comic Books

S12:E5 - Sun Runners No. 1 (1984)

Smokin' Blunts in the Space Hooptie

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée learn there's no natural resource not worth profiting off of when they read 1984's Sun Runners no. 1! In some non-specified future, Sun Runners travel the galaxy capturing solar energy to sell to needy planets. Sometimes they even fix broken stars, although all that usually involves is unplugging them and then plugging them back in again. The team's made up of a hyper-violent elephant man, a dolphin lady who wants to go back to the sea but can't resist the allure of space capitalism, a sex-starved robot, and a human who instantly incinerates himself. And he's the leader! You couldn't have less confidence in your fuel providers if the Three Stooges worked for BP.

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S12:E4 - Marvel Swimsuit Special No. 2 (1993)

Big Fun on Monster Island

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate the start of a perfectly normal summer with 1992's Marvel Swimsuit Special! Whether you're into cheesecake, beefcake, or just any type of bulge, there's something for everyone when Pip the troll transports all of Marvel's biggest stars to Monster Island for a beach party! Of course, he had to use the Infinity Stones to force them to wear swimsuits and pose for photos, but in fairness most of these people get brainwashed every few days as it is. At least this time they might get some weenies out of it.

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S12:E3 - The Mighty Crusaders Vol. 2, No. 9 (1984)

Old Legends Never Die

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée vote to defund superheroes after reading the Mighty Crusaders no. 9! Some human flagpole who calls himself the Shield has straight-up murdered a jewel thief but sees no issue with this because he's from the '40s, when that kind of thing was totally acceptable. Unfortunately, it's now the go-go '80s, and vigilantism has been criminalized. Hey pal, you wanna use excessive force with absolutely no consequences, you join the police force like an honest citizen! Luckily, the Shield has friends in high places who will stop at nothing to keep him from being held responsible for his actions. Plus, meet the Brain Emperor, a villain so proud of his brain that he makes sure it's visible at all times, which is definitely not sanitary.

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S12:E2 - Mantech Robot Warriors No. 1 (1984)

Less Than Meets the Eye!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée man their posts at the All-New Mantech Battle Board Playset for the inaugural issue of 80s action figure tie-in comic Mantech Robot Warriors! Proving that there's no concept too thin for a cheap promotional cash-grab, the Mantechs are three chill dudes whose dying carcasses have been horribly mutilated to fit them into interchangeable robot bodies! And they'll need those new bodies as they battle the evil Terrortechs in an awesome struggle for... who picks the radio station, maybe? It's never made clear. Their entire society seems to consist of only these eight characters fighting one another over no stated goal. Also, the fact that they can all freely swap limbs suggests that maybe they're kinda into this. Get a room already, Techbois!

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S12:E1 - The Son of Satan No. 1 (1975)

The Homecoming!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée deal with their daddy issues while reading 1975's The Son of Satan no. 1! Daimon Hellstrom has recently found out he's the literal son of the devil, which everyone else had already assumed based on his name. Now Daimon will return to his mother's New England home to really "find himself," which means taking a spooky staircase down to Hell and telling his dad that he's his own man now and won't be following in his father's footsteps anymore! Except for, you know... using Hell-based powers, and having a pentagram chest symbol, and brandishing a pitchfork, and kinda his whole persona. If he really wants to be a good guy he should probably hire a management team, because he's digging a PR hole the superhero community is not going to respond well to. Even the Punisher would consider this bad optics.

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S11:E10 - Batman No. 377 (1984)

The Slayer of Night

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée fight over custody of 1984's Batman no. 377! Bruce Wayne has finally found a suitable new Robin in Jason Todd, aka Diet Dick Grayson. Jason is everything Batman looks for in a sidekick: He's tough, smart, and his parents are dead. It should be a match made in vigilante heaven, but there's one problem: Brooding goth supervillain Nocturna also wants adoption rights, and the legal system in Gotham is corrupt enough to entertain this bit of ludicrous comic book nonsense. Will Jason Todd get to risk his life hunting deranged killers and amassing psychological trauma that will never heal, or will he just end up getting super into Bauhaus on vinyl? Maybe living on the street isn't such a terrible option after all.

S11:E9 - Marvel Comics Super Special No. 1 (1977)

KISS

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée head down to the free clinic for a screening after reading the first comic book printed with real human blood, the KISS Marvel Comics Super Special! In 1977, trademark licensers and occasional rock band KISS decided to publish a semi-autobiographical comic based on their adventures. It's a pretty accurate depiction, except that the comic book version of KISS isn't a band, doesn't play instruments, and routinely battles supervillains and mystic demons. But they NAILED Peter Criss' feathered bangs! Plus, bestiality discos, Gypsy robots with machine guns, a sentient mountain that commits sexual assault, and the debut of horrifying trivia challenge "KISS Band Member or Convicted Serial Killer?"

S11:E8 - Doctor Strange No. 171 (1968)

In the Shadow of... Death!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée microdose 1968's Doctor Strange no. 171! After joyriding around the mystic realms for a while, Strange decides it's finally time to settle down and starts thinking about Clea, the one that got away. Or, more precisely, the one he let get captured by a nefarious demon a while back. This seems to happen to every sorcerer supreme right around the time they turn 30. To right his past transgressions, he'll have to abduct an innocent woman and manipulate her feelings, probably getting her trapped in some otherworldly hellscape in the process. This is a good plan. But before the doctor can consider the possibility that maybe he's kind of a scumbag, he'll have to fight that staple villain of all bad trips: A skeleton man with fire hands! No matter who wins, one thing is certain: You've both got pretty dope costumes.

S11:E7 - Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane No. 57 (1965)

Lois Lane -- Super-Babysitter!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée join the babysitter's club just by reading Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane no. 57! When a de-aged Superman unexpectedly shows up and starts trashing stuff, Lois competes with Lana Lang to see which would be the worse mother. Rather than try to understand the situation and protect Superbabe, they immediately jump to brainwashing an innocent child in the hopes that he'll propose to one of them when he grows back up. Having not yet caused enough psychological trauma, Lois then travels to another dimension to make sure the lovesick alien she jilted in a previous issue is still miserable. Sounds like someone's sense of compassion needs a diaper change.

S11:E6 - Teen Titans Spotlight No. 11 (1987)

The Brotherhood is Dead

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée give up on trying to make sense of 1987's Teen Titans Spotlight no. 11! It's another day, another dystopia when a series of almost unbelievably complex plot devices sends the Brotherhood of Evil into a war-torn alternate Earth! Don't worry, though, because this one has something no other Earth has: A jacked version of milquetoast Belgian comic strip character Tintin! Wait, what? That has to be a typo. The Brotherhood of Evil might be made up of a brain in a jar and a gorilla with a machine gun, but even they aren't gonna stoop to recruiting gingers.

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