Darkseid's Couch
A Comic Book Podcast That's Sometimes About Comic Books

S10:E4 - Alf Super-Size Holiday Special (1989)

Seven Classic Tales of Yuletide Melmacian Mirth!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get an early Christmas present with the Alf Super-Size Holiday Special! By 1988, the fuzzy little alien demon had successfully dominated all of American culture. Alf had a hit tv show, a Saturday morning cartoon, a line of comics, and an adoptive human family with whom he shared a complex psychosexual power dynamic. Maybe it's reading between the lines, but try coming up with another reason why an alien who has mastered space travel and weather manipulation would be slumming it with a gang of suburbanites who desperately needed some excitement in their meaningless lives. Plus, a Darkseid's Couch first, as someone finally walks off the show in protest, presumably to go find their lost holiday cheer.

S10:E3 - Kamandi: The Last Boy on Earth!, No. 3 (1973)

The Thing That Grew on the Moon!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée develop Stockholm Syndrome reading Kamandi: The Last Boy on Earth no. 3! Well, maybe not Shée, who starts this episode with prepared remarks in re: primates and how much they suck. For the rest of us, it's Planet of the Apes meets golden-haired twinks when warring apes battle over who gets to make Kamandi their smooth-legged slave. What starts as a good old-fashioned dystopian interspecies brawl becomes a poignant meditation on toxic relationships after Kamandi starts to sympathize with the raging gorilla who was literally trying to cave his skull in, like, four minutes earlier. Gotta learn to love yourself first, Kamandi. Plus, Joe Rogan finally sits on the Couch, more Kirby praise, and a request for new sign-off suggestions. Oh, and start exercising. That's not a joke, just get yourself together. You want your heart to hold old long enough to see a Kamandi movie, work those lats.

S10:E2 - The Sensational She-Hulk Vol. 1, No. 18 (1990)

The Dentist in the Iron Mask!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée meet the Jade Giantess herself in 1990's Sensational She-Hulk no. 18! Created as a copyright-protecting security measure, Shulkie outgrew her modest origins to eventually... fight a dentist. It's a canon-irrelevant fill-in issue where She-Hulk has to put up with the whining of Dr. Doom's fifth cousin Bob, a successful dentist who won't be satisfied til he has his own country as well. Honestly, that's just a really naive thing to want: Think of the maintenance costs, the zoning laws, the periodic purgings... Everybody knows you don't want to own a country, you just want to be friends with the guy who owns a country. Also, remember that time Dr. Doom cried about 9/11? Don't let the mainstream media tell you it didn't happen.

S10:E1 - The Cougar No. 1 (1975)

Vampires and Cougars Don't Mix!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée read the first issue of 1975's The Cougar live while recording! Sure, it's a confusing reading experience, but this is an industry where radiation exposure gives you superpowers instead of plain old Leukemia, so logical storytelling was already on the backburner. Anyway, stuntman Jeff Rand is a reasonably in-shape guy who mooonlights as the Cougar, an adventurer who gets backhanded by monsters and probably kinda likes it. That's about it. Plus, vampire finger fetishes, the unwokeness of Three's Company, and R-rated plans for the Darkseid's Couch Instagram account.

S9:E10 - Batman & Dracula (1991)

Red Rain

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate their 90th episodes with the spookiest Batman of all, as the Dark Knight meets Dracula in 1991's Red Rain graphic novel! It's an era of giant ears and bulbous double-chins as deranged artist Kelley Jones creepifies this tale of two creatures of the night clashing over the best way to not help the homeless of Gotham City! Dracula wants to turn them into his villainous army of the undead, while Batman prefers to just ignore them entirely. As if that wasn't enough, some vampire lady has been sneaking into Bruce Wayne's bed at night and fondling him while he's asleep, which is definitely going to be a major topic in therapy after he suffers from the total psychological collapse we all know is coming any day now. Plus, was Red Rain always a Peter Gabriel song? It used to be Sting, right? It definitely used to be Sting. Must be the Mandela Effect.

S9:E9 - The Golden Age Girls (1940-1941)

A Superlady Cavalcade

This time on the Couch: It's a very special episode of America's only comic book podcast [verification needed] as Mike, James, and Shée spotlight five forgotten pre-Wonder Wonder female superheroes! Meet Amazona, who will systematically ruin your existence if you call her 'babe'! Wildfire, who taught kids everywhere that fire can't hurt you if you're not afraid of it! Mother Hubbard, with the power of being an old haggy witch who can still afford to own a house somehow! Fantomah, who uses skeleton powers to turn people into godless abominations! And Margot the Magician, who hypnotizes Nazis and just kinda leaves them there to deal with that shit! Sure, the stories may've been crude and racist, and the morals ethically questionable, and maybe their best features were stripped from them and injected into male power fantasies that warped the worldviews of generations to come, but... there's not really a great way to end that sentence. Plus, keep up to date on the latest "Reagan shutting down mental institutions" news by following Shée at @reaganshutmdown, and James forgets to thank comicbookplus.com for housing all this public domain goodness in the first place! Oops!

S9:E8 - The Inhumans No. 3 (1976)

Panic in New York!

This time on the Couch: Not a repost! Not a typo! Not an imaginary episode! Mike, James, and Shée are still reading the Inhumans! In 1976's Inhumans no. 3 the group decides to go all Muppets Take Manahattan and head to the big city to beg some real superheroes to help them figure out why their town sucks so bad. Unfortunately for the Inhumans, hot on their trail is Kree supersoldier Shatterstar, who had a perfectly good costume going until he decided to paint the spinning Apple colorwheel on his chest like he was having trouble loading up Keynote. All that plus the return of lovable giant bulldog Lockjaw, and James tells the world the things he had to Judo chop to survive the mean streets of Detroit.

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S9:E7 - The Inhumans No. 2 (1975)

Star-Slaves!

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée discover the mystery of the Inhumans, the Kree-modified, easily forgettable, incestuous (probably) gang of not-technically-mutant superfreaks! In 1975's Inhumans no. 2, the Kree decide it's finally time to cash out and send goofy mongoloid Blastaar to retrieve the Inhumans. There's only one catch: He has to make his mission as convoluted as possible. The result is a team of giant Ed Wood robots literally scooping people into their ribcages. Can Black Bolt, the ever-silent king of the Inhumans, spare his people this ridiculous indignity? And can he do it without talking? No, probably not. The mouth on that guy. Plus, speaking of unexpected vocalizations, Demo the studio cat is finally allowed on mic. What will he add to the podcast? An in-depth analysis of the socio-economic implications of the Inhumans royal family? Or maybe 'meow'? There's only one way to find out!

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S9:E6 - Action Comics No. 593 (1987)

The Suicide Snare

This time: Mike, James, and Shée make room on the casting couch for Big Barda with 1987's Action Comics no. 593! Barda and Mister Miracle's marriage is put to the test when they receive a mysterious VHS tape from stone-faced God demon/podcast inspiration Darkseid. Turns out the morally despicable villain Sleez has hypnotized Barda and is forcing her to act in pornos that her husband may or may not be into! The only problem (okay, there are actually a great many problems here) is that Barda is simply too strong for human co-stars! The solution? Why not mind-control Superman as well and get him in here? There's really no way that could blow up in your face! I guess those New Gods like to live dangerously.

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S9:E5 - Journey Into Mystery No. 1 (1952)

One Foot in the Grave

This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée just barely tolerate 1952's Journey Into Mystery no. 1! It's another low-effort anthology of horror tales that prove kids in the 50s were embarrassingly easy to scare. An unsuccessful florist pays hobos to steal flowers from graves for him! A dumbass farmer opts for a voodoo curse instead of admitting he's just not very good at agriculture! A mediocre author resorts to murder instead of taking a writing class or something! Basically, the lesson in all these stories is that if you're bad at your job just keep your head down and try not to draw attention to yourself, otherwise a bunch of ghosts will destroy you in the most ironic way possible. Also, find out which states are still hanging people in 2019... and then avoid them. What the hell were you gonna do in Delaware, anyway?

Find out more at http://darkseidscouch.com

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